My Girlfriend suddenly wants an abortion!?
We were matched on three dating websites within 24 hours including e-harmony.
We have been dating for 8 months tomorrow.
We are living together.
I own the house (bought before I met her).
We both have good jobs with good salaries (above 100k /year combined) however she is terrible with money.
She hates her father.
She was raped as a teenager and refuses to get help for it.
She always wants sex.
She has had an abortion after a one night stand.
She’s been driving me crazy.
She always finds a reason to make it someone else’s problem.
It’s always about her.
About four weeks ago we discovered she was pregnant, naturally unexpected but something I wasn’t upset about. We both seemed happy about this baby and looking forward to bringing it into the world.
Currently she is 7 weeks pregnant here is whats happened over the last week:
-We saw the baby & heard its heart beat
-She got a text from an old friend or her EX – found out he’s doing really well. Told me that night she sort misses her EX (broke up after 8 years , on good terms)
-Told me she wants an abortion:
I asked her why; I got nothing useful from her
I told her I don’t believe in abortion.
She told me “who would want a single mother if we don’t work out”
She told me if it didn’t harm our relationship she would get one in a heartbeat.
I told her I wouldn’t stay in a relationship with someone after that, I just couldn’t do it.
She told me I’m trapping her
I told her I’m not trapping her, she can make her own decision however there are consequences for every choice.
I told her I’d take cusidty of the child if she didn’t want it. She said no way if she has her/him she’s keeping her/him
I dropped her off at the house and went for a drive to cool off and think. Returned to find all the lights off in the house with her passed out on the floor. She said she fell asleep crying and praying on the floor. I didn’t speak to her, I didn’t know what to say. We went to bed. Today I’ve not said too much to her, I just went to work and she went to her job. It was pretty hard as we both take the same train to work.
What do I do?
When we met it seemed our goals were in line. She was a fun loving woman that aspired to be more than the minimum but at the same time was old fashioned which I like. As time has gone on I’ve noticed this insane tie with her mother where her mother’s word is like gospel. I can’t talk to her without something getting back to her mother who gives her some terrible line (“You need a man that will support you (AKA pay for everything)”). Am I wrong to believe that two people living together with similar salaries should be contributing equally?
It seems she finds reasons to pick fights:
Every time she tells me how she feels I don’t understand why she feels that way so I’ll respond with a statement such as “Why do you feel this way? I’ve done this and that to show you that you shouldn’t feel that way” which of course makes her more upset with me.
Answer by Sara Rivard
It deffinatley sounds like there’s something she’s not telling you, like she’s guilty about something. Or maybe she isn’t ready an reality set in when her ex called. But this all seems to have started when her ex called, I can tell you really want this to work but unfortunatly it seems like this isn’t what she wants. I’m sorry hopefully you can find out what is really going on.
Answer by Jacob’s mommy #2 on the way
It doesn’t seem this woman is right in the head. She was excited at first and then turns around and wants an abortion? This doesn’t sound right to me at all. It seems as though she is not over her ex and feels the baby will prevent her from the possibility of getting her ex back so she feels trapped. Which is not the case at all. If you want the child and are offering to have full custody of the baby I don’t see her “who will want a single mother” excuse being an excuse anymore. Granted it’s her body but her reasons for abortion seem far more selfish than anything. I also don’t like that her mom thinks she should find a man who can pay for everything. I mean in a marriage (I know you’re not married to her but I’m using this as an example) typically the man is the sole provider but the woman makes up for it in other ways i.e. housework, taking care of kids, etc. But this day and age many women work as well and if she already has a job making good money then why should he mother worry about a man providing for her. If she’s making money then I agree she should help pay some bills. See I can’t really comment on this topic right now because I am now a stay at home mom. I used to work before I had my children and my money went towards bills so yes when a woman has a job, she too should contribute to bills and such. Especially since she makes just as much as you do. Seems to me she’s making excuses to end your relationship and just shutting you out completely. I would try to get her to agree to having the baby and surrendering her rights to the child and letting you take care of the child and then have nothing to do with her because honestly she doesn’t even sound worth it. After hearing my unborn child’s heartbeat and seeing them on ultrasound I can’t imagine just getting rid of them. That doesn’t seem to bother her at all if she can just randomly choose abortion after hearing the heartbeat. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you get your child.
Answer by MovieBuff
So, it sounds like she has alot of emotional problems from her past. Relying on her mother that much sounds like she wants someone else in control and telling her what to do, she may feel unsure of herself alot. Rape can really take away your sense of self worth, and thoughts of security.
As, for the abortion part and thinking of the ex, I think she is just really analyzing your relationship and the future, since this pregnancy was unexpected. I’m sure shes terrified of being a mother and being responsible for someone else when she is unsure of her abilities to take care of herself. The ex-boyfriend may just remind her of a carefree time when she didn’t have all of these new responsibilities. She may also still love him or think of him fondly, 8 yrs is a long relationship. But, if a relationship can’t work out after 8 yrs for whatever reasons then its probably never going to, and she is just hopelessly romanticizing the past.
My best advice moving forward is to patch things up with her, as best you can. If you truly love her and want things to work out show her you care. Pregnant women need alot of love and support. With all of the hormones and fears rushing through you there is no telling what you might say or think. Try to let her know what a good mother you think she will be, and how you can’t wait to take your baby to the park for the first time, or something that you two love doing together. Appeal to her imagination of the future, maybe buy a little baby outfit. Fix her a fancy dinner at home tonight with flowers and candles. Sit down and try to talk about things.
I truly didn’t feel connected to my baby until I felt it move for the first time. Seeing the pictures and hearing the heart beat seemed so surreal. But, when I knew for sure that something was moving inside of me, something that would love me unconditionally and I would love more than anything in the world, I cried and started to fall in love. But, this wasn’t until 22 wks into the pregnancy. This was also an unplanned pregnancy with my husband, but something we knew we wanted eventually.
But be prepared, she may just feel this isnt something she’s prepared for, and since she has had an abortion before its not something she’s opposed to. It may just seem like an easy alternative when she is so unsure. If you have any friends that are councilors or just easy to talk to perhaps they could help, but don’t surprise attack her. Maybe even get advice from a professional rape counselor on how to speak with her. But, I don’t think its best to go into her past about the rape during her pregnancy either and cause stress this could lead to a miscarriage.
And please don’t try to patch things up in your relationship with a quicky marriage. A child is never a good reason to get married, only if you truly love the person and want to be with them forever. You may scare her off right now too, since she is thinking of the ex and not sure if you will both work out. Just let her know that you will be there for her and the baby in the future no matter what. But, that you love her and truly want to be with her forever (if you do).
Goodluck! Sorry so long, long answer for a difficult question.
My baby’s grandma is looking for a place to fit into our new family, but sometimes its too much, what is right?
she lives far away, and only has two kids, and one grand baby now after me being married to her son for 13 years. This new life has made her very in touch with us. She acts like she is big momma bear over all three of us now. Never did this before. She can’t settle for a loving grandmother spoiling role, she needs to be big momma and three cubs. She isn’t doing it in a terrible rude enough way to cause a fuss, but it makes me wonder whats proper for me when dealing with her? when she says my son is cute, I always want to say “thanks!” but then she’d feel like I am saying he is only my baby? She calls him her baby, and he has family other than myself who love him, so do I even have the right to say “thank you” if she says he is a happy baby, or he is cute? Do I need to always be sure to add her in the mix when someone mentions how cute he is, or on facebook be sure not to treat her like she doesn’t already know everything about him, in front of others?
deeper into my future worries with her…
I see her as family, but extended family? She’s always been the type to talk bad about me and ask nosy questions to my husband about me. She said she is going to teach my son how to use skype when hes older, so he can skype her without us there. And we said “that’s if he is allowed to use our computers! lol” She wants to be his best friend. And I want him to have her as a grandma and wont ever try to push that down, but I don’t want her chatting with him on skype about me and how I should let him do this and do that, and the next thing you know shes asking him to come live with her! Shes like this, and I know this is in the future. What is some advice for me to help me set a presedent now? while he is only 5 months old. thank you!
Answer by japkayla a
yikes. I would discuss the matter w ur husband as he probably knows her best!
Answer by itsamini1
This is her fist grandchild she is excited and happy about it, I don’t see what the problem is. You say you don’t want her talking to him about you, well it is not all about you, it is about their relationship. You need to back off and thank your lucky stars you have someone that loves him as much as she does.
Yes you can say thank you when she complements the baby but she is complementing the baby not you.
There is nothing wrong with her calling him her baby, people do this all the time it does not mean he belongs only to her, he can be many people’s baby.
Face the fact she is family and not extended family, that would be cousins.
I wish I would have had a grandmother like this.
Answer by Whoa_mama
He is your son, not hers. She is his grandmother and needs to respect the boundaries that are set forth by his parents. It’s ok to tell her to do just that. Tell her “I am so glad you love your grandson so much, he loves you too. We love you as well, but we are his parents and we DO have the final say.” It’s also ok to say thank you, she may have had a hand in the making of his father, but you had the pleasure of carrying your child and giving him 50% of your DNA, so hey – she is complimenting you as well. I have dealt with a grandmother who is much like this, so in essence, if you simply explain your boundaries, then she should respect them. Your husband should also explain this to her as well – which would include NOT asking inappropriate questions about you or talking behind either parents back. Its as simple as the Golden Rule: Do onto others as you would have them do onto you.
Does he like me? whats going on..?help?
-so i’ve been freinds with this guy for about 3 months, he is really funny and is like one of my best freinds.
-were both fifteen
-okay so the other day i was texting him and he was”hey sweetcakes” (lol). i know wierd,but i was like okay and laughed.
-then the next few days i noticed he keeps calling me baby,babe,and hun… its really wierd,idk. os he just joking? …becuase he looks serious.
-and he gave us “nicknames” mines, “the brutal bunny” but he calls me bunny. haha and his other girl’ freind, asked him if she could have one,and he told her no,and it was just for me.
-and then he told me it would be pretty cool if i was “a porn star” and he like “smiled or blushed a little” ..
its just awkward,hes like a brother to me, and were close but like bff close. i would never date him though,hes cute,but no.
does he like me…..??
Answer by Liz
more than likely but if you dont like him i wouldnt say anything it would NOT help you att all
Answer by Lele
Sounds like he’s very fond of you, he’s being indirect though. He’s probably not sure if you feel the same so he’s trying to keep things light. Or he may just not be sure of himself and of how much he’s likes you but still wants to keep you close.